Sheltering in place

​As a professional counselor I often work with people who’s lives have been put on hold because of tragedy and abrupt life changes. I recognize some of the symptoms we are all experiencing in light of this global pandemic and have some suggestions about finding the value in seeking shelter currently as well as finding a way forward eventually.

In so many ways what we are experiencing now in relation to the COVID-19 virus is unprecedented and unfamiliar. For that reason many may be experiencing challenges coping as the entire world seems to be stunned or scrambling to regain some sense of normalcy and control. And while I’ve done plenty of reflecting on how this is unprecedented and I’ve listened to and validated the experiences of so many other people who are confused and caught off guard by the state of the world right now, I can’t help but think that we’ve been here before in some important and potentially useful ways.

One strategy often employed in counseling is to ask if a current experience or set of feelings reminds us of anything from our past. Interestingly, recognition often occurs even in what seem to be the most novel circumstances. That awareness can be a

the entire world seems to be stunned or scrambling to regain some sense of normalcy and control

powerful tool in unlocking lessons from past experiences and hearing our internal guidance begin to suggest potential paths forward. So, while this is a brand new experience in terms of the pandemic, I also recognize what’s happening from what I’ve seen and experienced before. Here are a couple questions that may prompt your own awareness around what is happening:

• Have you had other experiences in your life when everything changed in a matter of a few short days or hours? 
• Has "business as usual" ever been severely interrupted through a loss of a job, relationship, or the death of someone close to you?
  
  

If so, you may have spent some time in the aftermath of that experience "sheltering in place". Seeking shelter in the form of a short-term retreat from normal everyday life can be an important stage in coping with jarring events.  With the country and the  world

Seeking shelter in the form of a short-term retreat from normal everyday life can be an important stage in coping with jarring events

attempting to seek safety in the midst of a pandemic this might be a good time to reflect on the value of sheltering ourselves in moments like these.

​Here are a few reasons why it might make sense to shelter in place following a jarring life experience:

1. We shelter in place to protect ourselves. As we pause and step back from our "business as usual" approach to living we seek out protection and safety for the ones we care most about and for ourselves. We stay put to stay safe. While the "freeze" response to fear gets a bad rap sometimes, it can also be very valuable if there is actually a current threat and we are not sure how to proceed. When a threat is large and ambiguous it might be appropriate to pause initially and take other protective steps.
2. We shelter in place to protect others. We minimize the risk through minimizing our contact with other people for a period of time when we may be putting ourselves or others at risk. A time away from our normal interactions can help to avoid engaging with others in a reactive or reckless manner that can often happen initially when fear spikes. We all have our thoughts, feelings, and reactions about what is happening in the world now and there is a lot of noise and confusion surrounding what to do next and how to do it. Rushing into action too soon can risk behavior that is unwanted and unhelpful.
3. We shelter in place to take stock of our priorities, resources, and values. When we pause we unleash the power to contact what is around us more saliently and this awareness can lead to a readjustment or realignment with what truly matters. We can also adjust our behavior to align with what we value. We 

           can adjust our budget, our routines,
           and our goals accordingly and
           prepare to begin again after the
           crisis passes. Pausing to determine
           personal values can be a useful
           task while sheltering in place and
           these values can assist once we
           transition mindfully into the next
           phase; moving forward. When we 

Asking 'what is it I care deeply about' instead of trying to ignore or eliminate the feelings can assist in clarifying personal values

          experience fear, sadness, or anger it is often in relation to something we
          care deeply about. Asking 'what is it I care deeply about' instead of trying to ignore
​          or eliminate the feelings can assist in clarifying personal values.

​(Bonus Option) We can use our time sheltering in place to step out of the expert role for a while. Not knowing can be terrifying and unsettling but it is often the state we find ourselves in during crisis. While we long for understanding over the events in our lives and how the world around us operates, it can be exhausting to maintain the 

Leaving the expert role behind can be scary but can offer a sense of relief

appearance of the expert to everyone at all times. Leaving the expert role behind can be scary but can offer a sense of relief in the absence of prolonged pressure to know it all.  A trained counselor is familiar

with stepping out of the expert role regularly in order to listen to others more effectively and can also assist others in learning how to leave behind the expert role for a while to contact relief and acceptance.

**Fun Fact: Real life experts actually follow a curve of development explained by the Dunning-Kruger effect which highlights that confidence in our own understanding diminishes as we learn more about anything because we realize how little we will ever know about significant subjects no matter how much time we invest in learning. *Research Dunning-Kruger Effect for more information*

Because we’ve been sheltering in place for a while now some of us are anxious to get back, some of us are cautious about going back, and some are still completely confused about what it might mean to return to engaging with the world. All of these reactions are common when attempting to rebound from jarring life experiences. Regardless of how we find our way through this current jarring event one thing is true; this particular crisis will eventually pass and we will begin again in some form after sheltering in place concludes. 

It is possible to get stuck for longer than necessary in the shelter in place reaction to crisis and it may be worth a conversation (and another post to come) about how to move forward again once it’s safe to do so. For now, we may choose to pause and determine the value and utility of sheltering in place since so many of us have been asked to do so.

If aspects of your life have been put on hold by a jarring experience and you are hoping to clarify your personal values, find support while sheltering in place, or would like to clarify the meaning of the experience and how it might be impacting you, I’m here to help. You can find more information about me through my website: www.andrewtaegel.com or reach out by phone: (573) 544-0303.