Mindfulness: When to pause

Photo by Torsten Dederichs on Unsplash

What do I do? This is a common thought in my mind and a common question brought to therapy. This may be something many of us are wondering in light of the global pandemic and how significantly life has changed in such a short period of time. Oddly enough, in therapy there are times we offer paradoxical solutions. Sometimes, instead of coming up with anything too quickly, we pause. 

The “pause” solution can be frustrating to the mind and the logical problem-solver that inhabits some of the loudest and most demanding neurons in the brain. It can seem counter-intuitive to sit still in the midst of demanding circumstances or challenging feelings. We spend lifetimes coming up with more and more elaborate ways to distract and avoid the pause. Have you ever thought

about why that is? Why the pause can seem so worrisome or threatening? I'm not claiming to have an answer to those questions, just hoping to evoke some curiosity.

​BTW, if you’ve ever stopped what you are doing 

The “pause” solution can be frustrating to the mind... It can seem counter-intuitive to sit still in the midst of demanding circumstances

mid-stream due to some type of ​overwhelm and taken a deep breath you have likely utilized the pause.

In this post I’ll share some information about when and why therapists recommend mindful pausing and how to go about doing so.

The holocaust survivor and author of “Man’s Search for Meaning” Viktor Frankl stated in his writing; “between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power.” Another way to state this is; between what happens to us and what we do about what happens to us is an opportunity to pause, and if we can pause in that space we can regain power over our responses to things. Frankl's quote is used to explain the value

between what happens to us and what we do about what happens to us is an opportunity to pause

of slowing down as a tool to help us out of destructive and habitual behaviors, thought patterns, and automatic responses. It can be a common experience to find ourselves doing or saying things we regret and afterwards 

wondering how we even got to that point in the first place. In fact, this is so common we have a name for the experience: autopilot. 

​A few examples of common autopilot behaviors might be: we have every intention of being more kind to our partner or children or to avoid the midnight snack or steer clear of the liquor store, but we slip up so quickly and entirely it’s almost like being blind-sided. Similar to when we drive from one location to another with other things on our mind and then arrive wondering how we got there or realize we don’t recall many details of the actual trip, we can find ourselves doing things we set out to avoid or things we promised ourselves we wouldn’t do. Often waking up to our own awareness after the fact and when it is too late for behavior change. Practicing pausing can be an exit from habitual and patterned behavior cycles.

​The nature of the mind is to create shortcuts to free up precious cognitive space for other things, in other words the mind is always trying to convert behaviors 

​Practicing pausing can be an exit from habitual and patterned behavior cycles

into autopilot responses for efficiency's sake. Even destructive behaviors get this treatment. This is why we can want out of our negative or harmful patterns desperately and also have the experience that all our wiring and programing is working against that effort. So why do we pause in therapy?

1. We pause to step out of auto-pilot. Without some break in the cycle there’s no way out. Likewise if we aren’t even aware there is a pattern or cycle happening the likelihood of escaping is diminished. Pausing between what happens and what we do about what happens provides the exit from old, unwanted behaviors toward new, more desirable behaviors.
2. We pause to consider other options. During a pause I like to remind myself of the word "expand" as a reminder to expand the potential options I might be considering. This can also be a reminder to think about long-term consequences instead of just the immediate pressures or frustrations. I can think about myself a day from now or a year from now and put current situations in better perspective. I can also allow my creativity to come up with a variety of choices instead of the one option my autopilot response may have zeroed in on.
3. We pause because practicing the pause over and over again rewires the brain to consider pausing as an option. Pausing and finding a way out of old, habitual patterns can be challenging even if these concepts make perfect sense. Practicing the pause throughout the day in a variety of situations can be useful in creating a new habit of remembering to pause before other more problematic behaviors. You can practice pausing before reading a new email each time and take one deep mindful breath, you can practice pausing whenever the phone rings or a text comes in and take a deep mindful breath, or you can pick any semi-regular occurring event and use it as a touchstone to remind yourself to practice the pause briefly each time it occurs. This will prime the mind to consider pausing in other more stressful situations.
4. We pause to make space for other answers, possibilities, and creativity that might exist just beyond the impulsive reactions. When we are triggered by a stressful or problematic event our best thinking usually happens later and pausing allows some time and space for this more enlightened thinking to show up. You can practice coming up with new and creative possibilities by imaging all sorts of different scenarios, even if what you are imagining is far fetched. 

Tip: If road rage is a problem and you find yourself thinking or vocalizing how inconsiderate and thoughtless the driver who cuts you off in traffic is, you can practice imagining all sorts of scenarios like, “they are late for an important surprise party for a friend, or they’ve been inhabited by aliens from another planet who aren’t entirely familiar with the rules of the road yet on earth.” These are intentionally silly in nature but can provide flexible mental content that could assist in shifting thoughts from autopilot responses to considering other options.

​​So, what are the benefits of pausing?

If autopilot gives us one solution to our situation that must be rigidly adhered to no matter what, pausing mindfully provides the opportunity to consider many different options and engage flexibly with a chosen response. We can learn how to lean into our

pausing mindfully provides the opportunity to consider many different options and engage flexibly with a chosen response

experiences, thoughts, and feelings instead of resisting or struggling with them or seeking compulsively to avoid them. 

Why is pausing challenging?
​

Pausing can allow things we’ve been running away from to catch up, which can be intimidating and scary, but it can also be an opportunity to learn we are capable of withstanding the things we’ve been worried about. We get to challenge the thoughts we may have that tell us we can’t face something. Having a therapist along for this part of the experience can be useful at first especially if what we’ve been distracting from is traumatic in nature.

How can pausing benefit my mental health?
​
Obsessive thoughts, rumination on the past, anxious thought loops, and prolonged stress responses can all be reduced through mindful attention and learning how to pause more effectively. This can take place with a trained mental health professional who can assist you in learning how to pause in the moment, what to notice while you are pausing, and how to handle distressing thoughts and sensations during a pause. 

If you would like to explore mindfulness and learn how to practice pausing more effectively or more often for mental health benefits please contact me. More information can be found on my website: www.andrewtaegel.com or you can reach me by phone at: (573) 544-0303. I am offering both in-person and telehealth online therapy options currently.

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